T'was a Bit Before Christmas...

T'was Again Almost Christmas in the Town Where I Sleep,

To Celebrate, Into Some Air Ducts I Creep.

Let Me Back Up Some, My Literate Friends,

I Should Start at the Beginnings, Before I Skip to the Ends.

Two Years had Passed Since the Infamous Night,

When I Heard of that Man, and my Heart Filled with Fright.

Allow me to Refresh, His Name is Saint Nick.

And the Things that he Does to Our Children are Sick!

So on That Night, Now Far in the Past,

I Tried to Stop Him and got Escorted Out, Fast.

Ever Since That Night, I Have Been Plotting.

Plotting to Make Santa Very Dead, And Rotting.

So Back to the Present, I Grab my Rifle off the Shelf,

Then I Proceed to the Mall, To Assassinate an Elf.

I Knew He Would be There, That's How he Get's his Jollies.

He Lures the Kids into His Lap, With some Lollies,

And a Promise of Visiting them Later that Week.

Sick, Like I said, This Santa's a Freak!

Through the Vent-Shafts, I Slithered, and I Snaked.

When I Got where I Could See Him, My Heart Suddenly Quaked!

There He Was, In His Chair, With Kids all Around.

How Many of These Kid's Will end Up on His Mound?

That Thought Repulsed me, So With my Throat in a Knot,

I Took Aim with my Rifle, and then Took my Shot.

I Got Santa in the Head,

Blood Splattered on some Waif.

But That He Would Deal With,

Fore 'least now he was Safe.

Soon After, I was Arrested, But I do not Regret,

Even though, Now in Prison, I'm Known as "Bubba's Pet".

But Alas, The Story Ends, and It's Time to take my bow,

Fore I'm afraid I have to leave, Bubba's Calling me Now.