Lesbian Sex (Both hands on the keyboard, Please)

     Lesbians... one of those male fantasies that never go away. Men never seem to stop thinking about threesomes with lesbians. We feel this is because men think lesbians are challenges. 

     That, and men like breasts.

     Why not have four breasts in bed as opposed to two? Really, "Do you want two out of a possible four breasts?" is an insane question to a male. Of course he wants the four breasts. Unless he's my ex-boyfriend... Then he'd probably rather have two penises... But maybe that's just me subconsciously flaunting my theory on his closeted sexuality... Read back to Chapter 2 for my views on dating feminine guys. He wasn't just an asshole fruit, he was an entire produce isle bitterly coated with Assholedom. That was my own teenage stupidity though. Anyways, back to lesbian sex. 

     Lesbians don't want much to do with straight guys, so it's gonna be near impossible to get us in a threesome. 

     First off, you guys aren't attractive to us. We may be able to admit that you may be more attractive then the general male population, but we will not say "sexy", and we will not tell you that you are attractive, because it would justify your need, desire, and confidence. It may make you think you have a chance at a threesome. Which you don't. Not unless you find girls that aren't truly lesbians. 

     In other words, there is little to no chance of a straight guy getting two lesbians in bed without massive amounts of alcohol, death threats and many many drugs.

     A brief outlook on what lesbian sex is all about: 

     First, that emotional connection. 

     Possibly the best part of sex in general is feeling close to someone. It's an emotional level that you don't often hear guys speak about, unless they somehow proposed to their girlfriend and found God while she was giving him head. You can imagine, that's very rare. Men are not the emotional half of the human race, and this is why lesbian sex has so much to do with emotions.

     We now go to the more physical aspects of sex. Shaving is a big issue. The less hair on the woman's body, the better. This is one simple thing that separates girlfriends from boyfriends. Boyfriends tend to have hair on their body no matter how much they shave. It irritates the skin. And really, who wants to go down on that? We don't live in France, and even if the lesbian is French, if she lives in the states, she will shave her poontang!

     After the woman shaves, she needs to put on lotion and perfume. Things that make her smell pretty, because smelling pretty is an added bonus. In addition to the smelling pretty thing, daily showers help too. That way you don't get a nasty smelling kitty. 

     Finally, eating right. In order for a woman to "taste good" she needs to eat right. Fruits are good. Yes, I know its "punny". I'm not going into any more detail on that, or really anything else in that region, so I am just going to sign off with these words; 

     Emotionally, you guys can't handle it. Physically, you don't even have the parts to take care of it.

Back to "The Lesbionic Plague"