No Poking, Please.

     Having this column, and naming it after my sexual preferences, I know I am going to get the two types of men hounding me: 

1;  Men that are going to ask lots of questions about lesbian sex so they can whack off to it and assume they will be a third party in it soon enough. 
2; Men that are going to be screaming obscenities in my general direction, and being rather mad. Why? Because they know they can't get any… because I don't want any.

     Then, of course, women will likely not hound me because for some reason, this plague I have is contagious through E-mail as well. That and many women would not find this site too amusing anyway.

     The men in the first category just think I need some "good dick" (good pun more like) and feel they are the ones that can give it to me. No. I'm not going to bash the guys that think they can get some from me and I'm not going to bash the girls that actually like what I'm talking about. But let me just give you my top three reasons why women are better than men:

A; Women kiss better than men. Men seem to feel it is somewhat stimulating for a girl to have his tongue shoved so far down her throat that she gags on it and has trouble breathing for those ungodly minutes that he continues to kiss her. For some reason many men don't understand why those violent kisses do not turn women on. However, kissing can almost be foreplay for a woman. Hell, it can be and is half the time.

B; Women understand the issue of being romantic. Generally, in the heterosexual relationships, it is the man that is meant to be the romantic one. He initiates it by creating the romantic atmosphere and the woman just relaxes and enjoys it, because it is after all what she wants. It seems that less than 5% of the heterosexual male population is actually romantic. It's seriously a sad sight. I've seen some really cute gay guys holding hands with balloons and teddy bears in an airport. That's what girls want that straight guys don't give. So are women just the submissive men in the typical heterosexual relationship?

C; Men are like toaster ovens. They think that because they want and are capable of having sex at anytime, that must be what the woman wants. Men want things quickly toasted, whereas women want to have their baked potatoes cooked, their pizza warmed, and cookies baked. They tend to believe that they are the only means to get the toast toasted, which turns them into egotistical dominants when that isn't necessarily what the ladies want. Not only do they think like toasters, but they look like them too. Men are boxy in shape and not "sexy", Whereas women are soft and beautiful creatures with the perfect curves and minds to go with it.

     However, my views are bias. I've dated guys, but not necessarily because I liked them. There's a small percent of guys feminine enough for me to want to date, but when you can just date ladies, why go for a feminine guy? 

     So if any of you have figured it out by now, my mind has been gone for a long time or I wouldn't be comparing men to toasters. It's not my fault that I don't want to be poked with a "Cyclops". It's not going to do anything but piss me off. No poking at me, please. 

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