Nonblonde Writes:

Hello, I'm Nonblonde.
     In the real world, outside of the head, there are women.  Seeing as Stinger talks to the penis and doesn't do much else, and Reaper is a flaming idiot, I'd have to say that Conscience has the most likely chance of getting laid.  He's sensitive and knows the difference from right and wrong.  So don't be discouraged Conscience, the dude should listen to you more, he would get laid.  And to let you know Stinger, that would make Penis very happy.
             Your new lady friend,

The Voices Reply:

Reaper: Wha... What did she call me?

Stinger: Flaming idiot, bro.

Reaper: ... She thinks I'm a gay idiot? ... That's not very politically correct...

Stinger: ... Yes darling... Anyway... 

Conscience: I'm flattered! Really, I'm blushing! I'm positively glowing!

Reaper: And she thinks I'm gay?

Conscience: Hush. Why thank you madam, I am indeed flattered. It's nice to hear such kind words... I rarely hear them here. Um, I get so lonely... would you mind maybe the two of us becoming pen-pals?

Stinger: That's your best pick-up line? I was all ready to insult you here, but now I can't bring myself to. "Pen-pals"? If our host listened to you, "The Penis" would die of embarrassment. What's all this "sensitive" shit? We have a penis. We use it. Sensitive is saying "Damn, I love the way your eyes shimmer... when you're looking up at me from between my legs".

Conscience: Stinger! Well then, fine, how would you propose I go about courting someone?

Stinger: For starters, I would stop calling it "courting". I'll help you out man. Let me show you how it's done with a little role-play. Reaper, do me a favor and pretend you're a woman.


Conscience: ... Right... Anyway, Thank you for your letter, Nonblonde. It is appreciated. 

Copyright Josh Johnson, 2002