Resident Evil: Apocalypse

6 out-of a possible 10 "Exorcist" Smiley faces

Reviewed by: Josh Johnson

   I liked the first Resident Evil for many reasons, not the least of which being that I'm a consumer whore. I was really looking forward to the second installment. Now that I've seen it, I think I would have rather waited longer for them to hire writers that don't suck.

   Almost every measurable facet of this movie was derivative and predictable. So why did I give this movie a 6 out of 10?

This movie is very entertaining.

   That's right; It's a bad movie, but it's damned entertaining. It's jam-packed with mindless action. The story couldn't tread water, but come on! They have topless zombies! And explosions! And explosions caused by topless zombies!

   Though the downsides of the movie are indeed overbearing. The fight sequences were often impossible to follow, due to really choppy editing. The camera work was tight in, and they kept switching angles so quickly that all you could really understand half the time was that there was a fight going on, and the not-dead people were winning. Also, the dialogue could have been better written by a hundred monkeys at a single type writer. It had the occasional witty one-liner, but a movie can't hold up on that alone. Comedy relief was ham-handedly thrust into the movie with the addition of comedian Mike Epp's character, an urban cab driver (I think he was a cab driver, at least) who carries custom pistols and brakes for naked dead women. From the flow of the movie, and the fact that the only other black main-character died less then halfway through, Epp's character might as well have been named "Token".

   One cliché follows another in a seemingly desperate attempt to turn 40 minutes worth of story into a 2 hour movie. They even threw in a graveyard scene, where the undead crawl their way out of the graves to be shot and kicked in the head one at a time in a nice neat orderly fashion. I did enjoy a fight scene in a church though. Demon creatures being crushed by crucifixes? If Mel Gibson had thrown that into "The Passion of the Christ", along with maybe some of the topless zombies, maybe that would have been something other then a painfully long snuff film.

   And I wont ruin the ending for you, but let's just say that out of the last 5 minutes of the movie, Milla Jovovich naked was the only thing that didn't make me want to track down the director and beat him silly with a big rainbow trout. Bad ending... very, very bad ending... Which of course sets them up for a third movie in the "Resident Evil" franchise...

   Like I said. It's a bad movie. But if you've got eight bucks in your pocket, there are a lot less entertaining things you could spend it on. A couple of better things... but many worse things.


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