Why Do Men Hire Prostitutes?


"Wait, what do you mean you want a 'Happy Ending'?"

   So I got a letter from a lovely young lady the other day with a bit of an odd dilemma.

    She works in a massage parlor, and she's constantly plagued by men requesting a "happy ending" - a handjob at the end of the massage, on the off-chance you'd not heard that before.

    A few days ago, she confided in me, a particularly plump older gentleman asked her for a happy ending, and was genuinely upset when she refused him, as she always does.

    He simply didn't understand. "It's not that terrible."


    Well, as I explained to her, these men are horny. And as I didn't want to say directly to this moral, pseudo-victimized young lady providing a legitimate service... In the past, too many actual prostitution rings have run themselves out of massage parlors, so a particularly stupid man could think that every masseuse was actually a hooker.

    That's not defensible, and I'm not defending it. But it is the truth. So this question becomes a broader one: Why is it that men hire hookers in the first place?

    And the answer is offensively simple: Because men are almost always horny, and some guys have a hard time finding women who will do it for "free".

    Here's another offensive truth: That's "free" in quotes because a great many men make a very logical argument that they spend more money on their girlfriends than they would/have on prostitutes (yes, a startlingly high percentage of men have gone to a hooker - For the record, I'm not one of them).

     I am not pushing this as truth, nor am I implying that women need men for money. I am no where near that ignorant... But there is an argument to be made, and that's why men hire prostitutes:

"Wait, you mean I just directly hand you the money that would be spent on dinner and a movie, and then you have passionate sex with me... And then we're done? I didn't know that was possible..."

    Again, I'm not condoning it, and I don't personally subscribe to the policy, but the men who do hire hookers, that's why they do it.

    While I'd never partake personally, I actually think it should be legalized... So that the stupid/ugly/un-date-able men of the world can be matched with adult women who actually want to do this for a living, in a clean, safe and regulated atmosphere...

    If for no other reason than so that pathetic perverts would know where they're supposed to go for a "happy" time, and could leave my new masseuse friend alone to work on my back in peace...

    Instead of being asked to work other men's pieces... Sorry, I'm immature, I had to.

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