| | Why
Do Men Want to (Insert Kinky Disgusting Thing Here)?
Normally in this section I try to deal with rather adult
subjects using words and phrasing that, while they occasionally get a
little "raunchy", are usually firmly in the realm of PG-13. Works well,
I think. Makes it so I don't get creeped out by the occasional piece of
fanmail from 14 year old girls. But this section won't be quite so
PG-13. You asked for it, you got it. On this very page I'm going to
reveal to you some closely guarded secrets in the realm of penii'd
people. The reasons behind some of the more commonly requested (by men)
sex acts that most women (and some men) regard as very, very kinky.
Blowjobs at this point aren't much of a taboo anymore for most people,
but there are still some out there that don't understand the appeal, so
allow me to explain.
Ladies, think of a penis as a
tourist. Your vagina is his home. He loves his home. His home means a
whole lot to him. But sometimes, he feels like he needs to do something
different. You know, "Get away for the weekend". With that in mind,
think about what your mouth actually is, in the broadest, physical
sense. It's a hole in your body that is soft and moist and warm, and it
has a tongue, which is capable of some truly amazing things. To a
penis, your mouth is a day-pass to Disney World. He wants to get in
there and see the sights, enjoy some rides. Get his picture taken with
the tonsils, "teabag" your "teacup", that kinda thing. He wants to
"empty his wallet somewhere different", then go to sleep, and go back
to his home in the morning.
Blowjobs aren't that
mysterious. What woman doesn't enjoy oral sex herself? But here comes
(pun intended) the more misunderstood aspect of some blowjobs;
those of you who are unfamiliar with these phrases, let me define them
before I explain them. A "facial" is when a man orgasms, and ejaculates
on your face. A "pearl necklace" is when he ejaculates on your breasts.
that I've grossed out the small portion of my readers who've never
heard those two euphemisms before, let me explain to you why some men
find them so appealing.
Men are disgusting creatures.
All men, without exception. Some men just leave the toilet seat up,
some men scratch themselves in public, some men like jizzing all over
an attractive woman's naked body. To each their own. But here's the
logistics of the "facial/pearl necklace" situation in particular.
Really kinky. And hot. Really hot. I'm sorry, it's one of those things
that's kind of hard to explain unless you have a penis, and have
already experienced this honor. Sure, there are definite and undeniable
"dominance" factors here, and for some men, that's all it is. But
there's something else to some men. I can't quite put my finger on it,
but goddamn is it ever a warm and fuzzy feeling to see cum dribbling
down your chin and falling in globs down onto your tits.
Now that I've disgusted many
of you, let's see what I can do to make the rest of you grimace.
anal. A lot of women greatly misunderstand a heterosexual man's wishes
to stick his penis into their ass. They get upset at the wrong things,
and start asking questions like "Do you like anal more then vaginal?",
and "You fucker! You do, don't you!? You like it in my ass more than my
cooch! You're a fucking perv!" This kind of reaction is completely
understandable ladies, but really, you're kind of missing the point (no
pun intended, though that is really punny).
If, to your man, your mouth is
Disney World, then sticking his penis inside of your asshole is the
equivalent of a 3 day, 2 night vacation to Hawaii. It's not better,
it's just different. I can't speak for all men on this one, but I
looooove me some vaginal intercourse. It's fantastic. I could have it
for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But... Again, with that in mind,
think of what your asshole actually is in the broadest, physical sense.
It's a hole in
your body that is soft and moist and warm, and it's extraordinarily
tight. Do not think of a man wanting to fuck you in the ass as a man
"trading up"... That's so not the case. It's a man wanting to try
something different for a change. It feels good. And it's kinky. And
I'm sorry ladies, but the more taboo something is, the more a guy is
going to want to do it. Such is life. Butt-sex is a different
sensation, and in the buffet that is life, switching it up from time to
time is just an appealing thing to want to do.
My girlfriend brought this one up. It had totally slipped my mind (my
mind being a very slippery place). It took a more hands on
demonstration to properly explain it to her, but let's see if I can get
the point across here without physically pushing your breasts together
and inserting a finger.
As I've explained before, men
love breasts. They're neat little blobs of fat that we just love to
play with. But, if you have tits that are about 34C's or larger, then
your tits have the potential to be much more than just attractive
blobs. With a little lubrication, and a lot of generosity on the
woman's part, those breasts can be held together while an erect penis
slides between them. Now, the question here is "Why".
... Because we like them, and
it feels good. Breasts are very, very nice. I for one am a big fan of
breasts. But why settle for just looking at them when you can have a
"totally immersive" experience? It feels good. That's why we wanna do
it. That, and sometimes we can pinch your nipples while we're... You
know, maybe I'm getting a bit too graphic.
That's the best explanation I
can give you, I guess. If that's not enough, push your breasts together
and insert a finger 400-500 times between them. Then imagine your
finger is your clit. Um... Sorry, I guess I'm just not too helpful
here. But if you do decide to try that little experiment, feel free to send me
Ah, bondage. Yeah, this one's actually pretty simple, and seeing as how
most practitioners of bondage are female, I didn't initially see reason
to include it here. But then I remembered that men have different
reasons for pretty much everything they have in common with women...
So, here it goes.
Guys like control. When you're
tied up, you can't move (Duh). When you can't move, he can do any
little kinky thing he wants, and you can't physically stop him.
Obviously there are downsides in this arrangement if, for instance, you
just met the guy, had a drink, and woke up handcuffed in the back of
his van. But, if this is your boyfriend/fiancé/husband, then
if you can trust him not to "accidentally" stick it in your ass for the
first time, it can be an enjoyable experience for both parties.
Well, there you go. There's a short list of disgusting things men want,
and some of the reasons why. Men like so many things that women wish
they didn't, that I'm sure I'll be following this one up. So until
then, yeah... Men are stupid.
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