Why Do Men Have Double Standards?

I've touched on this a bit in previous chapters, addressing individual instances of male double-standards, but now I think it's time to explain why double-standards exist in the amazingly intricate web that is the male mind. So here it goes, in simple mathematics;

Men = Humans

Humans = Stupid

Therefore...

Men = Stupid

Not good enough? I understand, I always hated math too. Hold on, I'll just write it out.

All humans are flawed, and since men are humans, they're flawed too. While any human being by themselves is capable of being intelligent, humanity as a whole remains a race of panicky, confused, and generally retarded animals. Now, usually in these writings, I try to remain biased towards men, because it's just funnier that way, and I enjoy the company of women more (Because... well... Lots of reasons, but "Boobs" is the first to come to mind, followed closely by "Vaginal entry", and the concept of heterosexual anal sex). But in this case, I'm afraid I have to take a neutral stance.

Men have lots of double standards because they often act without fully considering the ramifications, or often even the basic reasons behind, their actions. But women, in this case, are also very guilty of this little injustice.

Sure, the double-standards of men are easily spotted. If a man and a woman are in a crowded restaurant, and the people sitting next to them are being rude, then it is considered chivalrous for the man to walk over and ask them, very bluntly, to stop it. However, if that same couple is sitting there and the waitress starts hitting on the man, the woman is considered a bitch if she says or does anything about it.

That sucks. There are more male double standards then I can count. But like I said, women are also guilty of this, so you should not be so quick to judge! Here's a practical example. Strictly hypothetical, of course...

If my girlfriend asks me for a backrub, and I say no, I'm being a jerk unless I have a very pressing matter I have to attend to. You'd assume then, that by this logic, the same rule would go both ways. If I'm a jerk for not providing her with a manual release of tension, obviously, she'd be a jerk if she turned me down when I asked for a manual release of tension, right? Wrong! My girlfriend will sit there watching TV and playing video games for hours, but when I ask her for a blowjob, not only is she apparently not a jerk, but I am an asshole, and I'm told to go "release my own tension", only with phrasing much more hostile.

To recap; Men have lots of double standards because we often act without thinking. But careful throwing stones and boiling tar on this one, ladies, lest you get stoned and sticky yourself.