A Guide to Getting Guys

For reasons beyond my comprehension, Women want men. As of such, I keep getting asked the mind-boggling question "How do I get this guy?". Well, a rather nice girl asked me this, even after my explaining how she's better off lesbian, so I figured, while I don't approve of any Goddess lowering themselves to the levels required to gain a man, I might as well answer the question finally.

There are three types of men. Assholes, the Shy, and the Neutral. While there are exceptions in each case to make each mans personality unique, when it comes down to it, once you get your target-man into one of these three categories, you can use the appropriate strategy and increase your odds of getting the man in question to chose you for whatever horrible things he intends to do with women.

The Asshole Strategy

When your target is of the "Asshole" variety of men, they want one thing; Sex. When dealing with such a single-minded adversary, you can use an equally single-minded strategy; Act slutty.

If the man in question just wants a pair of tits to suck and a pussy to put his dick in, then just do everything you can to let him know you have tits and a pussy. Wear tight pants that show off your ass, and wear shirts that barely conceal your nipples. Talking is optional. If you must speak, lace every statement you make with multiple sexual innuendos. Carry a stash of lollypops with you at all times, if you see your target, take one out and start sucking on it like there is nothing in the world that gives you more pleasure.

I personally am greatly confused as to why any woman would want to be with any man that falls under the "Asshole" category, but if you insist on trying, it really is that simple. Act like a slut, look like a slut, and maybe he'll decide you're a worthwhile person to stick his penis into. Just don't be surprised if he starts treating you like a slut.

The Shy Strategy

The "Shy" are the practical opposite of the "Asshole". The "shy" are still men, and as of such, they still have a sex drive that does weigh rather heavily into their thought-patterns. But these men have either a very large conscience, or a very small sense of self-worth that causes them to speak rarely, and even more rarely exhibit any sign of sexual prowess.

These men are often embarrassed to admit that they have any thoughts of a sexual nature, but don't be fooled; The thoughts are there. This is the type of man that really is interested in your personality, so your main strategy should be to just try to make him see that you are a nice, kind person. But if that's going slowly, then you must prey on his often-hidden sexual fantasies.

Since these men are often weary to let their sexual side out, you must be coy. Spreading your legs and saying "Come here, Big boy" will probably just scare the piss out of them, seeing as how the last time many of these men have been inside the vagina of a woman was on the day they were born. Be charming. Be subtle. Encourage these delicate little flowers to make their move, and be patient with them when you discover the best tool in their arsenal is the words "So... Have you seen 'Lord of the Rings' yet?".

Patience. Be patient, and maybe it will pay off.

The Neutral Strategy

The "Neutral" men are mutts. They are any combination of "Asshole" and "Shy". Because of this, you can mix-and-match your strategies between intellectual and sexual. A "Neutral" man may react very well to your charm and charisma. He may also react very well to any choice of wardrobe you make that allows your cleavage to appear as deep and endless as the Grand Canyon. If you think your target is a "Neutral" man, then just play it by ear.

Welp, that's the whole of it. I hope you weren't expecting anything more complex. Don't get me wrong, among men there are anomalies that fall into none of these categories, and may react to any strategy here any number of ways. The advice on this page covers the most likely possibilities. It will hopefully give you something to work with.

Really, any way you slice it, even if you find and trap yourself what you perceive to be a good man, you were probably better off just going lesbian. I'll say this for "Assholes"; If you have to obsess over something, Tits and pussy are two very good choices.