Hello, Reader!

     As hard as it may be to believe, I am known among my friends as the man to ask whenever anyone needs advice. A question I hear far-too-often from both men and women is this; "How do I tell this friend I've had for a while that I want to be more then a friend?". 

     I used to answer that question by telling them to slowly drop hints to their friend, but recently I've taken more of a sadistic approach. I've decided it's much more amusing for everyone involved (Myself especially) if they send their friend a short poem that explains their emotions in a not-so-subtle way. I have written many such poems for such an occasion, and I will share them here. 

     If you have been wanting to tell that special someone how you feel for some time now, feel free to send them one of the following rhymes.

This one works for both guys, and girls;

Dear (Insert Name Here),

     Our Friendship has Gone Without A Hitch,

     Now Please say "Yes", And be my Bitch.

Love,                          

(Insert Name Here)

This one I call "The REALLY Direct Approach";

Dear (Insert Name Here),
     Your Friendship is Real,
     Your Kindness is True,
     But I've got a Surprise;
     Now I want to Fuck You!

Love,                          

(Insert Name Here)

If you use this one, and don't get slapped, I bow down to you;

Dear (Insert Name Here),

     I've Wanted to Tell you for Some Time,

     But I've Been too Much of a Wussy.
     But I've grown the courage, so here it goes;
     I Want to Lick your Pussy.

Love,                          

(Insert Name Here)

Can't go wrong with Astronomy!

Dear (Insert Name Here),
     Your Hair's as Black as the Darkest Sky,
     Your Eyes, As Pretty as Venus.
     I guess what I'm trying to say here is,
     I Want you to Sit on my Penis.

Love,                          

(Insert Name Here)

And finally, a new spin on an old classic;

Dear (Insert Name Here),
     Roses may be Red,
     But I'm horribly blitzed,
     So enough about flowers, baby,
     Show me your tits!

Love,                          

(Insert Name Here)

     Now again, I encourage you all to actually use these. It will clearly get your point across, and even if things don't turn out as you wish, at least the people who see you get slapped will get some free entertainment.

Josh Johnson       

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