This is your captain speaking. Thank you for flying Howi Airlines. We're onroute to Cleveland and should reach our destination in approximately three hours. Please keep your tray table up, your seat belt fastened, and your seat back in its full, upright position until such a time as I flip a fucking coin and decide to allow you maggots to move freely about the cabin...
If you would like the assistance of one of our friendly and well-trainedflight attendants, there is a signal on your overhead panel. Refreshments will be served when and if these hot little pieces of ass decide to leave the cockpit and serve them, but I don't know why they'd want to do that... erm...
In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion can be used as a floatation device. Emergency exits are located throughout the aircraft, but don't you fucking get in MY way when you're running to them. Should the cabin begin to lose pressure, the highest bidder's oxygen mask will drop from his overhead panel while I strap on my parachute. Thank you again for flying with us. Good luck, and I sincerely hope that we land safely at our destination. Same goes for your baggage. Bwahahahahaha!!! AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Voices Reply:
Conscience: Um... Please remember one thing: marijuana is bad...
Reaper: You just say that because you are never invited to any of the parties.
Stinger: I am getting a message from the penis!!! "Attention K-mart shoppers! This is the penis speaking. Thank you for riding Cyclops. I am on route to the clitoris. You are not going anywhere. If you stand still, this will not take three hours. Keep your shirt up, take off your belt and your pants, and sit tight until I am no-longer in a full, upright position. You may then move around the cabin freely until I flip a coin and decide to stand back up again."
Conscience: I can't believe this is happening...
Reaper: Shut up, this is funny.
Stinger: "If you would like assistance, tough. You are here for me, not the other way around. You may, however, recruit your friendly, good-looking, well-trained friends to join in at anytime. They are all welcome to the cockpit."
Conscience: And you are humoring him... I do not find this amusing.
Reaper: Well since this is fucking hilarious, You must be uncultured.
Stinger: "In the event of a water landing, I will instruct you to get the fuck out of the pool and to get back to work. If you feel you are about to have an emergency, you really should have gone before we started. When you are done, You will be pushed aside and have your place taken by the next highest bidder. Thank you again for taking a ride. Good luck on returning to your boyfriend now that you know what a good dick is like. Don't expect to get your panties back, I have a collection."
Conscience: Why do we keep him around, anyway?
Stinger: I'll pretend you didn't say that.