Grytviken Writes:

The Voices Reply:

Reaper: Well the answer is obvious to anyone with half a brain cell. You have to go with paper.

Stinger: I agree. You must be a moron for even considering plastic.

Conscience: Um... While I personally prefer paper grocery bags to plastic ones anyway, I do wonder why you both think it is so obvious...

Reaper: You don't know anything, do you?

Stinger: Are you surprised, Reaper? He is obviously one of "Them".

Conscience: "Them"? Oh goodie... I wonder who "They" are this time... I really have a hard time keeping up with all your conspiracies...

Reaper: Yes Stinger, I agree... defiantly one of "Them". His denial is an obvious ploy...

Conscience: Fine. You want me to just ask? I will. Who are "They"? What are "Them"? Who am "I"?

Stinger: Tree-Hugger!!!

Conscience: Oh of course...

Reaper: Trees are evil! They are not good! They do very, very bad things!!!

Stinger: Relax buddy, don't try to explain. It would require big words, and we all know how badly you deal with those...

Reaper: True... true... ok buddy. You tell them.

Stinger: I will. You see, Trees have been secretly killing then consuming little children for as long as anyone can remember. They wait for the children to go for walks in the woods, and then when the little people least expect it, they sneak up and grab them!

Conscience: That's ridiculous! If that were true, then everyone would know about it!

Stinger: Oh... that's what you and your hippie friends would like us to believe, isn't it? Tree-hugger!!! You tree-huggers keep it a secret because you all worship the trees as your gods! You love your bark-covered deities, and would do anything to protect them... including kill all who find out! Whenever news of these horrible deeds do come out, you tree huggers quickly make up a story to hide the truth...

Reaper: Remember Hansel and Gretel who barely escaped the child eating witch? That was just propaganda written by the tree worshipers. Whenever a child would disappear in the forest, they would blame that nice old lady... it's sad, really... she makes such good muffins...

Stinger: "Propaganda"? I'm proud! What, did Josh buy "Word of the Day" toilet-paper again?

Reaper: Yeah...

Conscience: Um... ok... enough of this... I even said I prefer paper bags. Remember?

Stinger: You are just saying that to throw us off guard... anyway, Use paper bags. And next time you see a girl scout selling "Save the Rainforest" cookies, I want you to slap the taste out of her mouth and teach her the truth: That she should destroy the trees, because they would do the same to her if they had half the chance. Thank you, and good night.