Hello. On May 16th, Jenna Bush, daughter of US President George Bush, pleaded no-contest to the charge of being a minor in possession of alcohol. On May 30th, Jenna and her twin sister once again got caught in an alcohol related illegality. This time, they tried to buy alcohol from a restaurant using someone else's ID... while plain-clothed officers, presumably secret service, were in the room... 

     While myself and a few others were talking (and laughing) about these incidents, a good point was made by one of my friends who happens to be under the age of 21; It's not that hard for a minor to get alcohol. Just the opposite, in fact. You would have to be very careless to get caught twice in one year, little-less twice in 2 weeks... So a theory was developed. I think that the daughters of the President of the United States are a bit angry at daddy-dearest, and are getting arrested on purpose to get their father in trouble. 

     It's not a bad plan. I actually like it. It's cruel, it's sadistic, and it's very amusing... but I could do it better. I decided to write up a list of things I would do if I was the daughter of the President of the United States, and I wanted to piss off my numb-sculled father... To the Bush twins; If you are reading this, please consider the following list of ideas when you think of the next thing to do to get your father knee-deep in bad publicity.

Idea Number 1: Take up the Wiccan religion, and hold Sky-Clad (nude) gatherings around a fire on the White House lawn.

Idea Number 2: Run a communist newsletter from inside the White House. Call it "The Red Insider". If you are feeling particularly feisty, feel free to use that name for the pun that it is.

Idea Number 3: Call a press-conference and use it to announce that you and your sister are going to become Porno-stars. Say that you will still be called "The Bush Twins", but now for an entirely different reason...

Idea Number 4: If you want to use alcohol as your weapon of choice, here is the right way; Get drunk off your ass, wait for your father to hold a meeting, then urinate in the middle of the oval office while barking and saying "Look daddy! I'm a dog!"

                Editors Note: If you don't find that amusing, You've never been that drunk...

Idea Number 5: Install a "Web-Cam" in the Presidents personal bathroom, and make it available through WhiteHouse.Gov. To add an extra element of immaturity to the whole thing, label it "The Presidential Shitter".

Idea Number 6: Consort with past Presidents. Make friends with Bill Clinton. Better yet; Befriend Monica Lewenski, and then go tell daddy that your new friend taught you a cool trick with a cigar...

Idea Number 7: Plan a protest for Gay and Lesbian rights directly out front of the White House. Hand out signs for all the lesbians to march with. Make the signs read "Hey Laura, Get Rid of Your Husband! My Bush is Better!"

Idea Number 8: Seeing as how your parents are oh-so-very accepting, tell them you want them to meet your new boyfriend, then introduce them to a large woman wearing a leisure-suit and swinging a pimp-cane.

     Those are just a few simple ideas, and I'm sure there are many others. The bottom line is, it doesn't matter how those girls anger their father... all I really care about is that they just keep annoying their father... After all, isn't that what parents are for? Living off of for 18 years then spending the rest of your life making theirs a living hell? Am I right folks? Good. That's what I though.

- Josh Johnson                              

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Copyright Josh Johnson, 2001