Date Number One - Morgan - Page Four
1:30AM: They're still making out on-and-off as the second episode of "M.A.S.H" is ending in the background. Never has a room full of people cared so little about a war.

1:35AM: We're now watching "Colin Quinn's Tough Crowd". The humor is drawing their attention some, but not completely, as at this point she's fellating his finger. In the mean time, I cuddle up with the cat. I feel the need to nestle up with something warm and soft.

1:37AM: She asks Charles to pull her hair. He does. He then jumps mouth-first on her neck like a starving orphan boy.

"Please sir, may I have some more..."

I'm somehow managing to contain my laughter.

Call Ripley's, I'm speechless.

1:45AM: I make a joke about grandmothers having sex. THEN they start making out again. 

1:48AM: I make a joke about Ted Kennedy giving Charles a blowjob. Anything sexual that happens in the next ten minutes, I'll chalk up to Charles having a thing for fat, alcoholic politicians.

1:53AM: As Charles is kissing and biting her neck, I realize I've been reduced to writing a play-by-play of one of my friend's first sexual encounters. I realize, though, that I am philosophically O.K. with this. I feel I am owed this for that time I got a blowjob in the backseat of his car. And that time I spent two hours sucking on a girl's breasts in the backseat of his car while he was driving. And the time I talked two girls into making out with each other, then to making out with me while I was sitting in the drivers seat of his car.

Wait... what was my point? Bah, doesn't matter. I had some good times in that car.

2:00AM: Charles is now just barely touching the top portion of her breast. Maybe if I watch carefully enough, I can capture on film the exact moment his balls drop...

2:03AM: Both are offered another chance to write their thoughts. Morgan is too tired, but Charles writes;

"Ok, why must Josh interrupt... it's 2am now, and time is flying. Come to find out smokers kinda taste garlicky afterwards. "Tough Crowd" was funny. "Who's line is it anyway" just came on, we should go before it ends"

I interrupt because I love you, jackass.

2:08AM: She just slipped her fingers under the waistband of his pants, but just barely, then immediately withdrew them. Charles looks post-coitus at this point. The night has to have been draining... right out of him, and into his shorts.

2:15AM: Charles is actually doing very well. As soon as we leave, she's probably going to go upstairs and molest herself with "Patsy Cline." That's the name of her vibrator. She told me. I swear, I couldn't make that up.

2:20AM: The date is over. They give each other a goodbye kiss, and me and Charles leave the premises.

   Just before I left, I asked, for scientific reasons, if I could touch Morgan's left breast. She said "no".

   This marks something very important; The first time Charles has gotten farther by being the pseudo-shy nice guy that he is, than I have gotten by being direct. I'm proud of you, buddy!

   That said, the experiment is not over. While there may be another date with Morgan in the future, not until after another date or two with someone else! Because I love my buddy, and he's going to see his options before I let him get nailed down. So stay tuned for the next installment of...

The "Meet Charles" Experiment!!!

-     Josh Johnson

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