Date Number One - Morgan - Page Three
11:50PM: It turns out Morgan is wearing a night gown under the bath robe, which is interesting. She poses on Charles' lap while we watch "Family Guy" and "Futurama".

12:00 Midnight: The date, with very few exceptions, is going rather smoothly. Which is good for Charles, but rather bad for EgoDriven. Very little drama so far, very little "mental popcorn." So I ask Charles to do jumping-jacks naked. He refuses, so I threaten to strap explosives to his ass. He then hits me in the chest. It kind of hurts. I plot elaborate revenge.

12:05AM: After explaining to Morgan why I tried to get Charles naked, she remembers that she promised to flash Charles. So she does. Yay! Mental popcorn. Unfortunately you will not be seeing that picture, unless you mail me $10.

Charles seems sleepy... Yeah, sleepy... that's the ticket.

12:13AM: Morgan tells us a story of how she once slashed an enemy's tires, then filled his gas tank with sugar and tampons. The "sugar" trick I knew, but the tampons thing was new to me. It counts as the educational portion of our night.

12:20AM: She is now making us watch a soap opera for middle-school children on Nickelodeon. I'm afraid, but at least I was taught the meaning of friendship by a midget on a fucking toy train.

12:30AM: Morgan just copped a feel on Charles' inner thigh. This is funny, because I know something she doesn't; Charles is extremely easy. ME touching his inner thigh would cause him an erection.

But lets not go into how I know that. I'm still in therapy trying to forget.

12:50AM: I slyly (I'm so sly) mention the number of girls Charles has kissed. She then initiates a make out session to "fix that". When it stops, I told her to feel Charles' chest. You see, Charles has this thing; When he's excited, you can feel, and even see, his heart beating through his chest so strongly that it's kind of frightening. Morgan felt the beating... and then started kissing him more. I feel good about myself. Look ma, I'm cupid!

This picture disturbs me a bit, but it's kind of funny. Kinda like her mentioning her birth control in something that she knew damned well I was going to publish.

12:55AM: I discover a new game for me! I see if I can make them uncomfortable by staring, and taking many, many pictures during awkward moments. I'm having fun!

12:57AM: 8-minute make-out session over. Charles has an odd look on his face as he turns to me and says, "So that's what that's like."

I almost die from an over-dose of cute.

1:00AM: Morgan is still kissing his arm. I ask Charles to describe his penis at the moment on a scale from 1-10. He replies: "Mostly left", then they make out more. At this point, Charles is breathing funny.

1:10AM: They stop kissing for a moment, so I ask both of them to write down what they're thinking.

Charles wrote: "Josh just asked me to, cool, I can't write, that's funny... Josh just asked me to write what I was thinking/feeling. Anyway, just had my first make out session... that really counts... good times.

Morgan: wrote "I am enjoying myself more than I expected. I am certainly glad I recently got my 'Depo' prescription refilled. Charles is sweet, a good kisser, and very good at turning me on. He could stand to be more aggressive, but I hope that will come out more later. I am very glad I went on this date."

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