Who are you?
Josh Johnson; World-famous AntiPants Activist, Founder of the AntiPants HeadQuarters, Founder and President of CAP (See Below), and all-around modest guy.
Why Are Pants Evil?
Pants are evil for several reasons. The first reason that comes to mind is simple; Genital constriction. When one's genitals are covered and cramped behind layers and layers of cloth, it is often hard to concentrate. This lack of concentrations causes people to perform badly at jobs (What if the man driving the "Big-Rig" down the high-way was "bunched up"?!? Dangerous!). Also, depending on just how constricted one's genitals are, it can make them quite unpleasant to be around.
Oh yeah; I also believe that the genital restrictions imposed by pants will eventually be taken advantage of by hostile third-parties hoping to conquer the US and enslave it's billions of pant-wearing citizens, but that's just a theory.
What Is "CAP"?
CAP is an acronym for Citizens Against all Pants. It is the original AntiPants resistance group. CAP does not yet have a website, but if you would like to start a local chapter of CAP in your hometown, then simply send an email to CAP@egodriven.net and I will get you all the information you need.
Are You Insane? Are You Joking?
Two questions I get far too often. The answer to the first; No. Despite what all the shrinks say, I believe myself to be perfectly sane. The time I started to shoot birds out of the air with a plastic drink-straw and frozen peas was just boredom. I swear.
And no, I am not joking. I honestly believe pants to be evil, and I'm hoping you do too.
If I Can't Wear Pants, What Can I Wear?
I personally believe that complete nudity from the waist-down is the way to go, but for those of you that don't want to go that far, short-skirts, togas, kilts, and certain varieties of "Moo-Moos" are acceptable, as long as they are worn without underwear. For those of you that dislike breezes, while I must say I can't personally approve, it would be acceptable to leave the house in a pair of boxer-shorts, as long as that is all you are wearing on your lower body (Shoes and socks excluded, of course. I have no qualms with either of them).
Jeans and Khakis Aren't Pants, Are They?
Yes they are! I was shocked at how many people honestly believe that jeans and khakis should be allowed based entirely on the composition of the fabric. Pants are pants! You can't pick and choose which ones are evil and which ones aren't. You must hate pants equally.
If Boxer-Shorts are Okay, How About Briefs?
Absolutely not. No briefs. No one wants to see that.
Can Women Wear Pants?
No! I believe in equality in all things. Just because a women doesn't have a penis, nor scrotum to have cramped by pants, doesn't mean she should go around endorsing the use of pants! All pants are evil, and all pants deserve to be eliminated, regardless of which gender they are intended for.
|Copyright Josh Johnson.|