A while ago, I sent the following letter to a large amount of pant companies, both large and small;

Dear Pants Manufacturer,

            I understand that you are just trying to make a living, but you are producing and reproducing evil. Pants are evil. The restrictive fabric cramps and over-heats the nether regions. While one’s nether regions are restricted, so is ones mind. I just thought I should inform you of our cause.

Respectfully yours,

            Joshua Johnson, AntiPants Activist

   I had hoped that my simple words would maybe make the pant-makers rethink their choice of careers. How naive I was... 

   On the very first day after sending out my many emails, I got a quick response from a small Cleveland-based jean manufacturer. The return-letter had only one sentence;

"Thank you for sharing!"

   At first, I had thought this to be an honest message of gratitude... But I quickly realized that my great hope for the project was making me see sincerity in a message of pure sarcasm. Would all the pant companies I'd contacted react with sarcasm? Over the next few days, The responses I got made me wish for more simple sarcasm...

   An avalanche of angry letters and lawsuit threats came back at me! A small company in Virginia called me a "Immature prankster" that "gravely misuses the gift of the internet"! Several of that larger pant-companies that have legal-teams on hand sent me 3-page long explanations of why they'd sue me if I ever sent them another of my very truthful messages! Needles to say, I was quite confused...

   In the end, roughly one-third of all the companies I'd sent my letter to had the common courtesy to send a response back, and very few of those responses were what I'd call "hopeful". But fear not! While I've put the idea of large-scale email campaigns on the back burner for a while, I'll certainly find a better way to make the pant companies see the light...

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Copyright Josh Johnson