Angry Daddy Writes:

Dear Voices,

     I have a 17 year old daughter. By today's standards, she is very attractive. She always has guys dropping by the house to talk, and asking her on dates. I hate these guys. I know that they only want to have sex with my daughter, and I don't know how I can stop them! I can't always watch my daughter, and my wife tells me that she will no longer speak to me if I injure these guys, so that isn't a viable option. What should I do to keep these guys away from my daughter?

     -An Angry Dad

The Voices Reply:

Reaper: First off, see what you can do to sell your wife on the idea of assaulting these kids. It's the only way they'll learn...

Conscience: Violence is always the answer with you, isn't it?

Reaper: I was wondering how long it would take you to figure that out...

Stinger: Don't let her shave.

Conscience: ... Excuse me?

Stinger: Shave. As in, "Shave her legs". You see, it makes perfect sense. What guy wants to have sex with a girl who's legs are like sand-paper? If you don't let your daughter shave her legs, then I guarantee you that guys will be in no hurry to get between them...

Reaper: Amazing, Stinger! Brilliant even! You never cease to amaze me!

Conscience: Ya know... I'm amazed as well... but for entirely different reasons... 

Copyright Josh Johnson, 2001